I have a restless mind. It whirls and spins from one subject of interest to another in seconds, rarely settling on one thing long enough to have much of an effect. It is forever looking at things and wondering why they are the way they are. Why things are done in a particular way and why not another way etc.
In my unsettled youth, that came across as a constant stream of criticism, which is what it was. It wasn’t what it was meant to be, but I had yet to develop the correct number of filters. Pretty much meaning that I said what I thought. Now if you don’t think much, or your think clearly and cogently that works out beautifully, but if you have a head full of stuff swirling around you just sound like a loon.
Funnily enough, the property, the beautiful blank piece of land we have bought has been a great way of settling my mind. It has provided a subject to vector my thoughts and aim my questioning mind upon. The huge blank canvas has provided me with a tap which i can turn on and off (if only I could) or at least a tap and hose, that I can point in one direction. It has been significant for my mental health.
Though in real life I only worry about the things i can change or at least effect (most of the time anyway) much more so than in my youth, it is now almost exclusively focused on the farm. What should I plant and where, how do i develop the skills sufficient to build this thing or create that thing? My bustling enquiring mind is now looking at building passive solar in a way that works best and most efficiently in a range of different applications, investigating best permaculture practice, solving problems that are vast and complex in a way that will reduce my footprint upon the earth.
In other words my brain space is now being used for good rather than evil, and about time too.