Tough lives

A lot of people go through their lives failing to live up to their own lofty standards and punishing themselves for the failure. Many others I have met cannot get over the guilt or regret of a failing early in their lives. In both cases they often carry the guilt with them in such a way as it restricts their enjoyment of life, reduces their ability to share laugh and love and confuses and confounds the people around them. I have seen it so often now it is ridiculous.

I have spoken to women that have harboured guilt about their husbands behaviour. Women that have yet to give themselves permission to let go of making one bad decision in choosing a husband who turned out to be a drunkard or gambler or abusive or often as not all three. Men that were molested as teenagers or young boys who then go through life with a head full of apologies and regret not understanding it had little or nothing to do with them anyway.

I know in some cases, stuff happens to people that is just too huge to ever really get over, but then there is the rest of us. I’m not saying “get over it” I am saying give yourself permission to move on. None of us can wind back the clock, regardless of how much we would like to. Give yourself permission to say “that was really shitty, and I don’t want that to happen again” but don’t wear it like a dark cloak.

We are, of course, to some extent or another a product of our experiences but we are also capable of, or certainly should be capable of parking those experiences or dealing with those experiences in a way that doesn’t let them fester or build or rebuild into something bigger than the original incident, but some of us just can’t seem to do that. If that is you, please, get help. Lifeline or your local GP if you have one can steer you in the direction to get help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness it is the reverse of that it is a sign of great strength.

Once you put your life back into perspective those around you benefit and good stuff starts to happen everywhere around you.